


Dope

by monikageller



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-11 07:36:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7882411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monikageller/pseuds/monikageller
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lauren has a huge crush on Ally and is too scared to admit it</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“If you keep staring at her, she’s gonna think you’re a creep.”

Lauren side-eyes Dinah next to her, who hasn’t even looked up from the textbook in front of her that she’s studying. She leans back in her chair, crossing her arms as she stares at her notebook in front of her, which she had previously been ignoring before Dinah oh so rudely interrupted her.

“I wasn’t staring,” she grumbles under her breath, flicking to the next page of her notes with a little more force than needed.

“Laur, I could practically hear you looking at her. Every time we study in the library, you choose this table because you know Ally always sits at that table and from here, you can stare at her,” she says, finally looking over and giving Lauren a pointed look. Lauren’s cheeks turn bright read and she keeps her eyes focused on her notebook, not willing to give in and admit that she’s right. Dinah sighs and shakes her head, turning back to her work again. “You’ve been doing this for _weeks_. Just go talk to her.”

“I can’t just go talk to her! What would I even say?”

“I don’t know. You share a class, talk about that. Talk about literally anything. I don’t care. Just stop ogling her.”

Lauren bites her lip, lifting her eyes and looking across the library at the girl in question. She’s lost in the book in front of her, clearly better at focusing on schoolwork than Lauren seems to be. It’s hard to focus with Ally in the same room as her, though. She swears her eyes are just naturally drawn to her; no matter where they are, Lauren can’t help but let her attention center around her. She’s just so beautiful and smart and amazing and every other good work that she can think of. Sharing a class with her has been the highlight of her semester, even if she’s never actually spoken a word to her. She can’t seem the find the courage to ever say anything and even if she does, she won’t know what to say. Even just thinking about talking to her makes her palms get all sweaty and her words get stuck in her throat.

“I just don’t know what to say, Dinah. I don’t even know how I would start the conversation,” she admits, her shoulders slumping a little in defeat.

Dinah sighs and shuts her textbook, gathering her school supplies and stuffing them into her backpack. Lauren raises an eyebrow at her, wondering what it was that seemed to have set her off.

“Are we leaving?” She asks, hesitating a little as she grabs her notebook to put it away.

“Not we. Me. I’m gonna go meet up with Mani and Mila and study some more. You’re staying here and you’re gonna talk to Ally.”

“What?! No!” Lauren’s eyes widen as she shakes her head, flinching when she gets a few ‘sh’s from those around her. Dinah just keeps putting materials in her backpack before finally slinging it over her shoulder.

“Yes. You are. And you’re not leaving here until you do.”

With that, she walks away in the direction of Ally’s table, not listening to Lauren’s protests. Lauren quickly collects her things and runs after Dinah, hoping to catch her before she reaches Ally. She’s too late, though, and doesn’t have time to stop her friend before she starts talking.

“Hey, you’re Ally, right?”

Ally looks up from her book, confusion on her face before a wide smile breaks out on her lips. “Yeah, I am.”

_Oh God, that smile,_ Lauren thinks, feeling her knees go a little weak at how bright it is.

“This is my friend, Lauren. I think you two share a class,” Dinah continues, gesturing to Lauren. She can barely manage a meek wave, feeling her cheeks starting to burn up in embarrassment.

“Yeah, we do. You sit across the room from me, I think,” Ally says, looking right at Lauren.

_Oh God, she’s noticed me_ , Lauren thinks, nodding her head at her comment.

“Yeah, well, she’s having a little trouble with the book you guys are reading in class right now and she’s kinda shy about asking for help. Do you mind just going through a few chapters with her?”

Part of Lauren wants to speak up and say, _actually_ , she’s already read the class book three times and it’s one of her favorites, but she can’t manage to make her mouth move or make any words work at the moment. All she can do is stand there speechless and hope that Ally doesn’t think she’s some kind of idiot for not understanding the material.

“Actually, I’m kind of on my way out of here soon,” Ally says, and Lauren tries hard to not show her disappointment. “However, I’m free later on today, if you are? We can meet back here and I can help you out.”

Lauren’s eyes widen a little and she has to take a moment to collect herself. Both Ally and Dinah are looking at her expectantly and she knows that she has to say something now and she can’t get by with just nodding and looking stupid.

“Yeah, sure, that’s fine,” she manages, tightening her grip on her backpack strap and mentally kicking herself for probably sounding idiotic. She feels butterflies fly all around her stomach when Ally’s smile brightens, which makes her feel just a little bit better, even though her cheeks are probably tomato red right now.

“Awesome! Let me write down my number for you and then you can text me and we’ll set up a time to meet.” Ally quickly scribbles it down on a small piece of paper and hands it to Lauren before standing up to collect her things.

“It’s a date!” Lauren says before her eyes go wide. “A st- a study date. Not a date. A study date,” she quickly corrects, stumbling over her words. Ally laughs and Lauren swears it’s the most melodious thing she’s ever heard in her entire life.

“Yeah, it’s a date. I’ll see you later.” Ally gives her one last smile before waving and walking away.

As soon as Ally’s out of earshot, Dinah breaks out in laughter and Lauren stomps away, embarrassed, but also a little thankful for her friend. She’ll never tell her that, though.

 ---------------------------------------

Lauren is 15 minutes early to their date. _Study date_ , she reminds herself in her head, then proceeds to shake it because she can’t believe she’s talking to herself. She spent most of her afternoon preparing herself for meeting up with Ally, even though there wasn’t really much to prepare for. It’s just a study date, nothing special. All she has to do is show up with her class materials. (Although, she will admit that she _almost_ forgot her backpack when she was leaving her dorm room.) She chose to sit at the same table Ally always sits at because obviously it’s important to her if she sits there every time. She needs to remember to make sure she doesn’t tell Ally she knows that. The last thing she wants is for Ally to think she’s a total creep.

At five minutes past when they were supposed to meet, Lauren is convinced that Ally is skipping out on her without telling her. Or maybe she forgot her. Either way, Lauren is silently sulking as she draws in her notebook, her head in her hand with her elbow on the table. As much as she was nervous, she was excited and hopeful and she really wishes she hadn’t let her hopes get so high because now she just feels crappy. She knows that it’s only five minutes and that she shouldn’t be so dramatic, but she can’t help but feel a little bummed out.

At ten minutes past, she decides that she should just go because it’s obvious that Ally isn’t going to show up. She hasn’t heard anything from her and she doesn’t want to sit here waiting around for someone who isn’t going to arrive. She throws her things into her backpack, trying to contain her disappointment.

“What a waste,” she says under her breath, zipping up her back pack.

Before she can stand up, she hears someone running up behind her and when she turns around, she’s met with an out of breath Ally.

“Oh my goodness, I am _so_ sorry, Lauren,” she says first, putting her arm on her shoulder and leaning against her as she tries to catch her breath. Lauren lifts her eyebrows and she has a hard time getting past the initial _holy shit she’s touching me_ reaction before she actually says anything.

“No, it’s okay. I was just gonna get going, I figured you probably got busy.”

“No, no, when I make plans I keep them. I just got so caught up in another project, I lost track of time and I live off campus, so getting back here was wild and then my phone died and it was just a mess,” she says, shaking her head as she lifts her hand off of Lauren’s shoulder and stands up straight. “Hopefully, if you’re not too mad, we can still study together?”

Lauren’s heart beats a little faster when she sees her smile and she nods her head, putting her backpack down and opening it back up. She pulls her notebook and her copy of Revolutionary Road, along with a pencil. She’s not really sure how she’s going to pretend like she doesn’t understand the book, but she figures she’s just going to wing it and hope for the best. She doesn’t know how long Ally is going to be available tonight, but she’s going to enjoy this time while she has it. Maybe Ally will want to do this again sometime. At least, she can hope she will.

She waits for Ally to get settled in, a small smile on her lips as she watches her. She’s so much more beautiful up close. Her hair is back in a ponytail, which lets Lauren see her face clearly. Her skin is tan and it looks so smooth, her lips pink from what Lauren can only assume is lip gloss or something. She always looks amazing and if Lauren looked half as beautiful as she does, she wouldn’t mind looking in the mirror that much. She looks down at her book when Ally looks up, trying to act like she wasn’t just staring at her.

“So, what are you having a hard time with for this book?” Ally asks, opening her own copy. Lauren looks through the pages, trying hard to come up with some topic that might be an issue for some other people.

“Uh, well... I guess the picture window in their house. I don’t really get what it stands for?” She says, trying to sound as confused as possible. Truthfully, Revolutionary Road is one of her favorite books; she loves the comments it makes about society at the time and how sometimes people will follow others blindly instead of following their own path. She’s glad that their teacher chose this for the class to read, but she’s not going to tell Ally that. For now, she’s going to play dumb because the more questions she has, the more time she gets to spend with Ally tonight.

“Oh, yeah, I had a hard time with that at first, too,” Ally says, and she searches through the book to find a quote about it. “Basically, the picture window stands for everything that society deems is worth anything at the time. A nice house and a family and a stay-at-home mom and a father that goes out and works. Everything that society says you should have or you should be. That’s what the window stands for because at the time, everyone was buying houses with those picture windows, and everyone was moving to the suburbs because that was expected of them. And if you didn’t, you weren’t deemed normal and you stood out from everyone else. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, I think I’m starting to get it… And so that’s why April and Frank hate it so much, is because they didn’t want to live that life?” She asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Right! See, it’s not so bad. You’ll get it in no time.”

Lauren blushes and looks down at her book, a smile on her lips as she listens to Ally explain the idea more in detail. She makes a mental note to thank Dinah later on tonight. This was a great idea and she doesn’t know why she didn’t do this sooner.

 ---------------------------------------

“Thanks for helping me out tonight, Ally,” Lauren says, her hands on her shoulder straps and she walks down the sidewalk next to Ally. Lauren decided to walk Ally to the subway station, partially to make sure she makes it there alright and partially because she doesn’t want tonight to end.

“No problem at all. I love this book and I’m happy to help out a fellow classmate,” she says, smiling over at Lauren, which in turn makes her heart beat faster. Tonight couldn’t have gone more perfect and Lauren is so grateful for Dinah for making this happen. Lauren got to spend two hours with her crush, just listening to her gush and talk about this book and she can’t imagine a better way she could have spent her night.

“It was really nice hanging out with you, even though we just went over the book,” she says, biting her lip as they come to a stop outside of the station.

“Well, maybe next time we hang out, we can get something to eat or something.”

"Next time?” Lauren asks, a little more hopeful than she entends to sound.

“Well, I hope there’ll be a next time. Truth is, I’ve been wanting to talk to you for weeks. You seem really cool, I just didn’t know how to talk to you,” she admits, shrugging her shoulders. Lauren feels the butterflies floating around in her stomach, and she can’t help the hope that begins to make her heart swell.

“Well, I’d be happy to hang out more. You’re pretty fuckin’ dope,” she says.

“I’m happy to hear that. I think we’re gonna be great friends.”

Lauren tries to hide her disappointment as the hope and butterflies all die inside of her. Friends, of course. She should’ve known. Obviously, not every girl Lauren meets can be into girls like she is. Frankly, sometimes Lauren forgets that there are straight people and her mind never considered the fact that maybe, more than likely, Ally is straight and is not interested in girls. She knows she shouldn’t feel as down as she does, but she can’t help it.

She smiles as best as she can, nodding her head in agreement. “Yeah, the best of friends,” she says, her grip tightening a little on the backpack straps. Ally smiles at her waves as she walks away, opening the door to the station before entering. Lauren lets out a large sigh, her eyes still on the door even though she can’t see Ally anymore.

“You’re pretty fuckin’ dope. And I really, _really_ like you.” She drops her head, turning back toward campus and her dorm building.


	2. Chapter 2

“She friend-zoned you?!”

Lauren frowns, her eyes narrowing as she looks at Dinah sitting between her legs, her hair in her hands as she braids her hair. She pulls lightly on her hair, prompting Dinah to lean back and look at her face. “First of all, there’s no such thing as the ‘friend-zone.’ That was made up by men who feel like they’re entitled to women’s bodies just for being nice to them. Secondly, don’t yell like that. You’re gonna scare me and make me pull you damn hair out of your head,” she chastises, letting Dinah lean forward again so that she can continue to braid her hair. This Saturday night has been dedicated to her and Dinah catching up with each other, since the both of them have been busy all week. They’ve been watching movies all day and now they’re taking a break while they wait for the pizza that they ordered to arrive. Lauren’s been dreading talking about her study date with Ally, knowing full well that her best friend would get overdramatic about it. Lauren has accepted her fate as Ally’s friend, and really, she can’t complain. It’s more than she would’ve gotten if she had never talked with her. Being anything to Ally is enough for Lauren.

“You’re already pulling my hair out of my head, Lo. But seriously, she just wants to be friends with you? Are you sure? Maybe you misheard her. Maybe she said ‘girlfriends’ and not ‘great friends’. Honestly, you are kinda deaf sometimes. I wouldn’t be surprised,” Dinah says, shrugging her shoulders. Laurens jaw drops a little and she pulls her hair a little tighter, making Dinah cry out. “Ouch! You little-“

Dinah reaches behind her to pinch Lauren’s leg, which makes her jump and drop her hair, effectively ruining the braid she’s working on.

“Hey, you little ass! You made me mess up! That’s it, I give up,” she says, crossing her arms and pouting. Dinah never stays still long enough for her to finish braiding her hair; she doesn’t know why she even tries anymore.

“Whatever, it’s not like you were gonna finish anyway. I’ll do it myself.” Dinah gets up from her position on the floor and walks over to the mirror on the back of their dorm door, her eyes focused on her hair as she runs her fingers through to take out any tangles. “Anyway, Lo, I’m serious. Maybe she said friend, but she meant something else, y’know? She could like girls.”

“Look, Dinah, I’m not hung up on it. I’m alright. It’s just a dumb crush, it’s not like it won’t go away. I’ll be Ally’s friend and eventually, this feeling will go away and I’ll start to like some other girl I have no chance with. It’s all good. I’m perfectly fine,” she says, smiling as genuinely as she can. The truth is, there is a part of Lauren that’s disappointed nothing will happen between her and Ally. She wishes that things would’ve worked out in her favor, but she’ll get over it. There are worse things to happen, so Lauren is going to accept her lot and be the best friend that she can for Ally.

“Still, Lo, maybe something could-“ Dinah’s cut off by the sound of Lauren’s phone ringing, which Lauren jumps up to answer as a form of ending the conversation. She doesn’t want to talk about it and she will accept any and all distractions from it. She looks at the caller ID on her phone and furrows an eyebrow, not recognizing the phone number.

“Hello?” She asks after answering, holding the phone to her ear tentatively.

“Hey, your pizza’s here.”

“Oh! Thanks, I’ll be right down!” She says cheerfully before hanging up. She turns to her friend and smirks, giving a little wave. “Pizza time. I’ll be back.”

“We are so not done this conversation, Lo!”

“Yeah, we are,” she laughs, shrugging her shoulders as she grabs her wallet and heads out of their dorm room.

 ----------------------------------------

Lauren flicks through the pages of her book, skimming over the pages to prepare herself for their in-class essay. Her fellow classmates around her are all in various states of anxiety, some furiously going through their notes and some just barely finishing the actual book itself. Lauren feels pretty prepared for the essay, having read the book a few times. She feels like she could write a pretty convincing essay within the confines of their two-hour block of class. Any grade will be better than the one she got on their last book, which she hadn’t bothered reading past the 20th page. It was boring and she wasn’t going to waste her time on a book she wasn’t interested in. She hadn’t failed the exam, but she definitely didn’t do as well as she knows she could’ve. Hopefully this upcoming one will help fix her grade a little bit.

She looks up when someone steps in front of her, confused for a moment before her face breaks out in a smile. Standing in front of her is none other than Ally, who’s sporting her own smile while she looks down at her. Lauren feels the butterflies flutter around in her stomach and she has to break eye contact for a moment so that she can calm down a little. She can’t react like this every time she sees her if they’re going to be friends. It’s going to tire her little heart out. She takes a few quiet breaths, closing her book and placing it in her lap before looking up again.

“How are you feeling about the exam?” Ally asks, moving to sit next to her on the bench outside of their classroom. Lauren bites her lip and tries to not notice how closely she’s sitting.

“Pretty good. Y’know, after the other day. I think I could do pretty well,” she says, shrugging one shoulder.

“I’m happy to help you out. I’m feeling pretty nervous, if I’m being honest. I always get nervous before tests,” Ally admits, and Lauren has to physically hold in an ‘ _aw’_ at how cute she looks when she’s nervous.

“I’m sure you’ll do amazing, Ally. You really get this book, and you’re smart as hell anyway,” she says, giving her a reassuring smile.

“Oh, shush. You don’t know that. I could be really dumb. Maybe I’m just faking it,” Ally argues, raising her eyebrows playfully.

Lauren laughs, shaking her head. “No way. I can tell. I’ve got a sixth sense for this kind of stuff. I can tell you’re super smart.”

Ally smiles and leans into Lauren, pushing her lightly. “Shut up. You’re just trying to be all charming and distract me from my nervousness.”

“Is it working?” Lauren asks, raising an eyebrow and tilting her head a little. She notices how close they are to each other right now, the realization making her heart beat a little bit faster in her chest. Being this close to her, she’s able to see more features of Ally that hadn’t been clear to her before, when she was watching her from afar. She can see the little mole to the right of her nose and she can see how easy it is for her to be smiling, as if that’s just how her face is meant to be. She thinks Ally will probably have amazing laugh lines when she’s older because it’s clear to her that she spends a lot of time being happy, which fills Lauren with a kind of warmth she isn’t familiar with.  She would do anything to make sure that that smile never leaves her face.

“Maybe just a little bit.”

Lauren doesn’t realize she’s staring at Ally’s lips until she speaks again, her cheeks burning red in embarrassment. When she looks back up, she swears that she saw Ally looking at her own lips. The rational part of her brain tells her that there must be something on her face, that she’s going to tell her she has some drool or some left over bit of food around her mouth from breakfast this morning. However, the hopeful part of her brain thinks that maybe, just maybe, her feelings aren’t as unrequited as she thought. She doesn’t have much more time to consider this before their teacher has arrived and is opening the door for everyone to flow in and take their exam.

“Good luck in there, Ally,” Lauren says, following behind her as they walk into the classroom.

“You too, Laur. Maybe we can get lunch after this? If you don’t have class or anything,” Ally suggests, sitting down in the desk that usually stays empty next to Lauren. She wonders briefly if this is a new part of their friendship, sitting next to each other. She really hopes so.

“Yeah, sure, that’d be cool. I’d like that,” she accepts, nodding and sitting in her seat. She mentally reminds herself to not get excited, that it’s not a date. It’s just two friends getting lunch together after having class. She feels her heartbeat quicken anyways and she has to force herself to pay attention to the task at hand. She can freak out after this test.

\-----------------------------------------------

Lauren anxiously taps her foot while she waits for Ally to finish up her test, checking her phone every couple of seconds. She knows that checking it so often won’t make time move any faster, but she can’t help herself. All throughout the exam, all she could think about was how excited she is to get lunch with Ally. Her heart starts to beat quickly again, her stomach fluttering even more than usual. She knows it’s not a date, but her feelings seem to have not gotten that memo. She leans her head back against the wall, closing her eyes and silently willing her emotions to calm down a little. She doesn’t want to have a heart attack before Ally even comes outside.

Her phone vibrates in her hands, making her jump a little as she fumbles with it to read the message.

 **Dinah:** are you done yet I’m hungry and don’t want to go get lunch alone

Lauren rolls her eyes, unlocking her phone to type a message back to her.

 **Lauren:** yeah I’m done but… I kinda already have plans for lunch.

It doesn’t take long for Dinah to respond.

 **Dinah:** you made plans??? Without me???? How dare you how COULD you

 **Lauren:** it’s not like I knew I was going to be having lunch with somebody else!!!! Ally asked me before class

Lauren immediately regrets sharing that information, groaning when she next receives a text from Dinah.

 **Dinah:** oh I get it now. Iiiiiii get it now

 **Dinah:** ditching me for a date with your crush

 **Dinah:** smh!! I thought we were bros… but now I see… been replaced!

 **Lauren:** okay literally calm down it’s just lunch

 **Dinah:** it’s not just lunch!! It’s lunch with Ally

Dinah _does_ have a point. Lunch with Ally is certainly different than lunch with just a normal friend. Lauren isn’t going to tell her that though.

 **Lauren:** it’s not that big a deal, di. We’re just gonna go get some food, probably talk about the essay. Boring stuff. I guess you could join us if you want

 **Dinah:** thanks for the kind offer, but I’d rather not watch you make yourself look stupid over lunch. I’ll just test mani or something. Good luck on your date!

“It’s not a date,” Lauren whispers out loud, putting her face in her palm.

“What’s not a date?” Lauren jumps, almost falling off the bench as she looks up at Ally. She must’ve snuck out of the room while Lauren wasn’t paying attention. She has to take a few breaths to calm herself, her hand on her chest over her heart. Ally looks like she’s about to burst out laughing, the way she’s biting her lip to hold it in making Lauren’s heart flutter despite the fast pace that it’s beating at. After a few moments, she’s able to collect herself and she stands up, throwing her backpack over her shoulder.

“Uh, nothing,” she finally answers, smiling sheepishly. “Somebody just… Asked me to hang out with them and Dinah’s making fun of me saying it’s a date, but… I don’t think it is.”

“You’ll have to tell me all about this person and your non-date over lunch,” Ally says, grabbing Lauren’s arm and pulling her in the direction of the campus cafeteria. Despite her dread at having to come up with a believable lie, she has to admit it’s pretty nice that Ally’s so interested in her life. Things could definitely be worse right now.

\----------------------------------------------

“So, tell me all about this non-date you have later on today.”

Lauren stops mid-chew, her eyes moving up to meet Ally’s excited expression. So far, they’ve only really been talking about classes, just as she’d assumed they would. While the topics haven’t been the most interesting, Lauren’s enjoyed just listening to Ally go on and on about her life. She’s able to turn even the most mundane subject into something amazing. Lauren could probably listen to her talk for hours and not once start to feel bored. She would’ve been perfectly fine if that’s all that they did at lunch together.

She places her fork down on her tray, playing with a loose string on the hem of her sweater. “What do you wanna know? It’s really- it’s not that interesting.”

“Laur, I’m sure it is. Just… I don’t know, tell me about them. Do you like them, or do they like you? Is it an unrequited thing?” The last thing Lauren wants to do is talk about her dating problems with the person she’s currently crushing on, but it’s hard to deny Ally of anything she wants. _Especially_ , when she’s looking at her with that big smile and batting her eyes at her like that…. Maybe she can open up _a little_ about it.

“Um, well… I guess it’s an unrequited thing. It’s not that I don’t like them. I really, _really_ like them. They just… I don’t think they like _me_ ,” she clarifies, shrugging her shoulders. It’s hard to maintain eye contact right now, but she tries her best.

“So you’re going out, but you don’t know if they like you?” Ally asks, eyebrow raised in confusion.

“No, it’s not- it’s not like that. We’re not, like, going out. It’s just hanging out. Strictly platonic… I think,” she says, her tone betraying her confusion at the situation. “I don’t know, it’s all kind of confusing. I didn’t even think they knew I existed before a few days ago and I don’t want to like… Ask, you know? ‘Cause that could end up really weird and I don’t want to freak them out.”

Ally nods her head, not saying anything. She looks like she’s really considering everything that Lauren is saying, like she’s trying to come up with the best answer. Lauren finds it endearing that she’s taking so much care in responding, even though they just started becoming friends. There’s something so inherently caring about her and it’s clear that she doesn’t want to steer her in the wrong direction.

“Maybe.. The best thing to do would be to ask them. There’s nothing wrong with that, I think. I can see why you’re a little confused and honestly, crushes can be so awful sometimes. But if you really like them, and you think there could be a chance between the two of you, maybe you should go for it. You guys could be soulmates for all you know,” Ally says.

For a brief moment, Lauren considers taking her advice. It’d be so easy to tell her right now, that she likes her so much and that she wants to go out with her, on a _real_ date. She bites her lip, contemplating the option before letting out a sigh. As much as she wishes she could do that, she isn’t nearly brave enough. Maybe one day she will be, but she can’t tell her right now. They’ve only just barely started becoming friends. She doesn’t want to throw that away just yet.

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll tell them one day. For now, I’m gonna play it safe,” Lauren decides, leaning back in her chair. Ally nods her head in understanding, the kind expression on her face making her stomach flutter. “I really don’t mind it, though. I’d rather be friends with them than nothing.”

“You are too cute, Lauren,” Ally coos, smiling and looking down at her food.

 _Cute enough to date?_ Lauren asks in her head. She lets her eyes stay on Ally’s face for just a little bit longer before leaning forward and beginning to eat her food again. Maybe being friends is going to be a little harder than she expected.


	3. Chapter 3

Lauren scrolls through Netflix with her laptop on her chest, sighing as she tries to find something interesting to watch. She hasn’t done anything all day, barely even moving from her bed except for going to the bathroom and occasionally looking through the mini fridge in her room, although she knows that nothing will be in there. She hasn’t eaten all day and she knows that she should get something to eat, but truthfully, she’s too lazy to. Dinah’s been hanging out with Normani all day long, meaning that Lauren hasn’t had to get dressed all day. Just hanging around in her sports bra and underwear has been amazing and no matter how hungry she gets, she refuses to put on clothes and go out into the world. It’d take too much energy.

She looks at her bedside table when she hears her phone vibrate, moving her computer to the side so that she can sit up and read the text message that she’s received. She rolls her eyes when she sees it’s from Dinah, telling her that she’s on her way back and that she forgot her keys. If Lauren had a dollar for every time that happened, she would be able to pay off her student loans, as well as the loans of the next three generations of her family. She sends a quick text telling Dinah that she’ll let her into the room before resuming her Netflix searching.

Not even a few minutes pass before she hears a knock on the door. _That was quick_ , she thinks to herself, getting up from her bed and quickly putting on a robe. She doesn’t bother closing it up, knowing that Dinah has seen much more of her on accident. Honestly, Lauren’s happy that Dinah forgets her keys so often because she’d rather have to get up and open the door for her than have her barging in while she’s... Well, let’s just say she’s been caught a few times doing something that she’d rather Dinah not see.

“Dinah, you really need to start bringing your keys with when you go out,” Lauren starts, putting her hand on the door knob and pulling the door open. “I’m not always-“ she stops midsentence, eyes wide as she stares at Ally on the other side of the door, whose eyes are just as wide while her cheeks turn bright red. It takes a second for her brain to catch up to what’s happening and she slams the door shut, still in shock as she hears Ally start giggling on the other side. She frantically looks around the room, trying to find some clothes as quickly as possible. She settles on a pair of grey sweatpants and a plain white tank top, groaning at her reflection when she sees how badly she’s blushing right now. She takes a breath to calm herself before returning to the door, forcing a smile onto her lips despite how mortified she feels about what happened. She opens the door and moves aside, motioning for Ally to come in. “Welcome, please come in and ignore the fact that I just totally embarrassed myself.” Lauren notices that Ally’s cheeks are still a light pink, despite how nonchalant she looks about the whole incident.

“Do you answer the door like that for all of your friends, or is Dinah just super lucky?” Ally jokes, walking into the small dorm room.

“No- I- I just thought that, y’know, you were Dinah and me and her live together anyway, so like-“ Lauren excuses quickly, her words stumbling over themselves.

“Lauren, it’s okay. We’ve all had our embarrassing moments. This one time my freshman year, I invited my boyfriend over for… Y’know. And the outfit I had on really didn’t leave much to the imagination. But, I totally forgot I’d also invited a friend over to study. So I hear a knock on the door, and I tell whoever it is to come in and I’m just lying there on the bed almost all out there for the world to see and it all just went downhill from there. It took me weeks to live down the jokes about me trying to seduce her. So trust me, I’ve been there,” she says. Lauren has a hard time keeping her mind from imagining what she must’ve looked like. This is no time for those kinds of thoughts. She takes a few breaths and shuts the door before heading over to her bed and sitting down again.

“You’re an angel, you know that?” She asks, leaning back on her hands. Ally giggles and shrugs her shoulders, dismissively waving her hand.

“I don’t want you to feel bad. Sometimes embarrassing things happen and that’s okay.”

Lauren watches Ally stroll around the room slowly, stopping in front of her desk and looking at the various pictures of her friends and family. The smile on her face in adorable and Lauren has to take a few deep breaths to calm her racing heart. _It’s not fair. She’s too cute_ , she thinks to herself, letting out a small sigh. A part of her is anxious about how much control the other girl has on her emotions. She has the ability to take her emotions from embarrassment to lust to endeared all in the span of a couple of minutes. Realistically, she knows that there’s no way that this could end in anything other than heartbreak. And yet, looking at the way that her eyes sparkle when she’s happy, seeing just how easy it is for her to be content… She can’t imagine wanting to feel any other way than she does right now. As much as it sucks to like someone that she’s positive will never like her back, it’s okay, because that person is Ally. Ally, who has probably never had a harmful thought ever cross her mind, who, instead of relentlessly teasing Lauren, decided to tell her an equally embarrassing story so that she wouldn’t feel as bad about her mistake. Deep down, Lauren knows that if the truth ever did come out, if Ally did ever find out about her feelings, that she wouldn’t be judged for it. She’s not going to yell her feelings from the top of any buildings any time soon, but it comforts her a little, knowing that the apocalypse wouldn’t occur if it did ever get out.

Ally picks up a framed picture of a younger Lauren and her dad on Halloween, her fingers tracing lightly over it. The smile on her face has Lauren’s heart about to spontaneously combust, it’s so heartwarming.

“You were so cute, you know that? I love the little cat whiskers. Absolutely adorable,” she coos, before placing the photo back onto the desk.

“’ _Were_ so cute’? Am I not cute now?” Lauren questions, a hand moving over her chest in mock offense.

“I never said that! I’m just acknowledging how cute you were back then too,” she argues, walking away from her desk and sitting down on Dinah’s bed across from her. “You’re plenty cute now.”

Lauren bites her lip and turns away from her, trying her best to keep her smile from widening any further. At this point, her cheeks are starting to hurt, but it’s the good kind, where she knows they only hurt because she’s smiling so much. Being around the other girl, it’s hard to not be so happy. Over the past couple of weeks that she’s gotten to hang out with her more, Lauren’s found it hard to ever feel down. Realistically, she knows it’s a bad idea to place so much happiness upon her budding friendship with Ally. However, that doesn’t seem to stop her growing emotions for the other girl. No matter how hard she tries to stop, she just can’t help feeling the way that she does.

“Thank you. I try to be as cute as I can,” she finally says, flipping her hair over her shoulder in mock confidence.

“You do really well.”

They sit in silence for a few seconds, both of them sitting quietly across from each other. Lauren knows she needs to say something to break the silence, but she isn’t sure what to say without coming off as awkward. She figures she can start with the question that’s been running through her head since she opened the door.

“So, what brings you to my humble abode?” Lauren asks. She immediately regrets her word choice, mentally kicking herself for sounding so weird in front of Ally.

“I just wanted to see what you were up to. I was bored so I figured I’d hit up my new friend,” she answers, shrugging one shoulder.

“How’d you even know I’d be here?”

“I have my sources.” Ally winks at her, and Lauren has an overwhelming feeling that Dinah is said source. She wouldn’t be surprised if her best friend was meddling.

Before she can speak again, her phone starts vibrating. She rolls her eyes when she sees that it’s Dinah calling her. _Of course_.

“Hey, Dinah,” Lauren answers, narrowing her eyes when Ally giggles at her annoyance.

**“Hey, Lo. Hope I’m not breaking up a hot make-out session.”**

“I hate you, you know that?” She asks, standing up and heading toward the door. She assumes that this phone call means that Dinah is outside, waiting to be let into the room.

**“Shut up, you know you love me. Now let me in, or else I’m telling Ally what goes on when you’re left on your own for too long.”**

Lauren’s eyes widen and she hangs up on Dinah before pulling the door open to reveal her roommate on the other side.

“Hey guys, hope I’m not interrupting anything,” Dinah says, a smirk on her lips as she walks into the room.

“I hope that you’re not sticking around too long,” Lauren says, glaring at the back of Dinah’s head. She doesn’t need her in here making jokes about her crush. She prefers to have Ally oblivious to her feelings, and there’s only so many jokes Dinah can crack before Ally catches on to what they mean.

“God, you are my number one hater, you know that? She’s so mean to me, Ally,” Dinah complains, sitting down on her bed next to the shorter girl.

“Laur, be nice to your roommate, she loves you.”

Lauren narrows her eyes and crosses her arms, moving back over to her bed and sitting down. Dinah rolls her eyes at her pouting and stands up from her bed again.

“Relax, Lauser, I’m not gonna be here for long. I’m just waiting for Mani to grab something from her room and then I’m going out again.”

That makes her feel a little better. As much as she loves her best friend, she would prefer to be alone with Ally right now.

“What were you guys talking about before I got here?”

“We were just sharing some embarrassing stories back and forth,” Ally says. Lauren’s eyes widen and she looks at her friend, shaking her head slightly. She can practically see the gears turning in her head and before she can say anything to stop her, Dinah’s already talking again.

“Oh, I’ve got _plenty_ of embarrassing stories about Lauren,” Dinah says, flashing an evil grin toward her friend before turning back to Ally.

_This is not going to be fun_ , Lauren thinks, covering her face in her hands as Dinah starts to retell some of her worst moments.

 ---------------------------

“Hm… How about… Favorite book?”

“I… I have no idea,” Lauren admits, lifting her head up from her pillow and looking down the bed at Ally. They’re lying down in opposite directions, as they have been for the past hour. Ever since Dinah left, they’ve been going back and forth, telling random facts about themselves, asking questions of each other, and sharing whatever random memories pop up into their mind. They’ve learned a lot about each other: their favorite kinds of music, first Halloween costume, what their lives are like back home, why they chose to come to this college instead of going to their respective state schools. Lauren’s talked more about herself than she ever has before. There’s something about Ally that makes it easy to talk to her and share personal information about her life. Lauren wouldn’t describe herself as closed off, but she’s not the most open person in the world, either. She doesn’t know what it is about her, but she feels like she can tell Ally anything. Except, of course, about her crush. “I really like To Kill a Mockingbird, and I like Go Ask Alice... I’ve got a lot of favorite books. What about you?”

“I’m more of a movie person than a book person,” Ally says, shrugging her shoulders.

“Okay, what’s your favorite movie?” She asks, leaning her head back down on the pillow and staring up at her ceiling.

“Hm… Probably Titanic.”

“Let me guess, young Leonardo DiCaprio is part of the reason you love it,” Lauren jokes. Ally shoves her leg, almost making her fall off the bed due to how close she is to the edge.

“Shut up. It’s a great movie! It’s the perfect combination of sad and romantic,” she says, sitting up and crossing her arms. Lauren has to bit her lip to prevent herself from laughing at how cute she looks when she’s pouting. She sits up so that she can face her, putting a hand on her knee.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make fun of your favorite movie. Can you forgive me?” She asks, her bottom lip sticking out as she gives Ally the best puppy dog eyes she can muster.  She grins when Ally scoffs and uncrosses her arms.

“Fine, I forgive you. But you owe me dinner,” she says, pointing at her and narrowing her eyes, almost challenging her to argue.

“Definitely a fair trade. I will buy you dinner,” she relents, raising her hands up in surrender. “How does pizza sound? We can even watch a movie of your choice.”

“Pizza and a movie of my choice? Lo, you really know how to win a girl’s heart,” Ally compliments before lying back down. Lauren sucks in a large breath before lying back down, shaking her head slightly. _You are too much_ , she thinks to herself. “Okay, what to ask next? How about… Favorite color?”

Lauren opens her mouth to speak, but before she can get anything out, Ally sits up abruptly on the bed. “Wait, no, let me guess! I bet I can guess what it is!” She exclaims, clapping her hands excitedly. Lauren smiles and sits up again as well, gesturing for her to start guessing. Ally’s face is pure concentration as she looks at her, eyes unwavering as she tries to come up with her favorite color. Lauren feels a little nervous, having all of her attention focused solely on her. Her heart beats a little faster in her chest and she tries to keep as nonchalant of a look on her face as she can. After a few moments, Ally snaps and sits up a little straighter, looking completely confident. “I know what it is. I definitely know what it is.”

“Care to share what you think it is?” Lauren teases, raising an eyebrow.

“Your favorite color,” she starts, pausing for a moment to add to the drama of the reveal. “Yellow! 100% yellow. You’ve probably got a lot of people fooled, with all of the dark colors that you wear, but I know. I know that it’s definitely yellow, right?”

Truthfully, Lauren doesn’t have a favorite color. She’s never preferred one color over another, although as Ally pointed out, she definitely gravitates toward darker colors when she’s buying clothes. She doesn’t have the heart to tell her that, though. She looks so certain that that’s her favorite color and she doesn’t want to take away that excitement from her. Besides, if there was ever a color that she would associate with Ally, it’s definitely yellow. The way that her smile lights up an entire room, the warm feeling that she gets on the inside whenever she’s around her. If Ally were a color, she would be bright yellow, and that’s reason enough for it to be Lauren’s favorite.

“You’re right. Totally and completely right,” she tells her, laughing when Ally pumps her fist in the air in celebration.

“I knew it! I can read you like an open book, Lauren Jauregui,” she states proudly, leaning back on her hands.

“You got me. That totally deserves dessert along with dinner,” she says, shifting so that her legs hang over the side of the bed. She stands up and walks over to her desk to grab her computer. She hears footsteps on the ground and before she can turn around, Ally is hugging her from behind. She bites her lip, placing a hand on the arm that’s wrapped around her waist and leaning back into the hug. She knows she should feel guilty for taking as much pleasure out of it as she does, but just for a moment, she lets herself imagine what it would be like to held all the time by her. The thought makes her throat close up a little and she opens her eyes, taking a deep breath to try and calm herself down.

“I’m really glad that we became friends, Laur.” Ally’s voice is muffled due to her face being pressed into Lauren’s back. It hurts her heart a little, knowing that that’s all they’ll ever be. She’s glad that she’s friends with her at all, don’t get her wrong, but that damn hopeful part of her feels crushed.

She rubs Ally’s arm softly before patting it to signal her to let her go. She turns around, managing the best smile as she can. She doesn’t want her to think she has a problem with being friends. If this is as far as their relationship is going to go, then so be it. She’s going to cherish it.

“Me too, Ally. Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thx Bea for the inspo


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh... Sorry?

Lauren has felt like shit all week. She woke up on Sunday with a stuffed nose and a headache that felt a lot like someone was trying to make her head explode from the inside out. She tried to stick it out and go to classes come Monday, but she ended up right back in her bed after two hours of trying to keep herself from passing out in class. She doesn’t get sick often, but when it hits her, it hits her hard and she’s stuck in her bed for at least a couple of days. It’s Tuesday and honestly, there’s nothing Lauren wants more than to get out of bed and just go to class. She never thought she’d wish for that, but God, just let her be well enough to leave her dorm.

The only highlight of her time in bed has been being able to text Ally nonstop. Usually, they’re both too busy throughout the day to keep up with each other, both of them having a full load of classes and work that keeps them distracted until well into the evening. However, being sick allows Lauren more time to be on her phone, and by some act of God, Ally seems to have more free time than usual, replying almost instantly when she isn’t paying attention in class. She almost feels guilty, knowing that Ally takes her education as seriously as she does (another reason why she can’t seem to keep herself from liking her so much). However, it’s hard to stop herself when she hasn’t seen her at all in the past few days. Usually, they hang out at one of their places or go out to dinner together, but with Lauren being sick, it hasn’t been an option. Texting is her only way of keeping in touch with her and it helps soothe the withdrawal she feels from not having seen her in so long. Sure, it’s a little dramatic, but she can’t help the way she feels. She enjoys being around Ally and it’s hard to keep herself from feeling glum without her own personal sunshine there to cheer her up.

She bites her lip when she hears her phone chirp, already knowing who it is. She unlocks her phone when she sees Ally’s name, eager to respond. It’s probably a little desperate, but she doesn’t care. They’re friends, friends text each other back right away when they see the message. Right?

**Ally:** I’m FINALLY free! I never realized how boring our English class could be without you there. Seriously, you are not allowed to miss next class, I will drag you there if I have to.

Lauren smiles at that, her heart beating a little faster. She knows that it shouldn’t mean as much as it does to her, but she’s still honored that her absence isn’t totally unnoticed by her.

**Lauren:** I’ll keep that in mind. ‘Never miss class again so that Ally doesn’t have to be by herself.’ Sounds good!

**Ally:** Some consideration would be appreciated!

Lauren rolls her eyes, fighting off a smirk even though she’s alone in her dorm.

**Ally:** I really hope you’re feeling better, though. It sucks that you’re sick.

**Ally:** Also, I have the take home assignment for you. I figure it’s easier if I just give it to you, rather than you having to find time to go and see Michaelson.

**Lauren:** that’s so sweet, thank you. i’ll grab it from you next i see you, i don’t wanna get you sick right now

**Ally:** Don’t worry about it :)

Lauren furrows her eyebrows at her phone, growing even more confused when there’s a knock on the door. She doesn’t know who it could be and she has half a mind to just let whoever it is think there’s no one home. She decides better of it, groaning as she gets up from her bed. She blows her nose quickly, throwing away the tissue and using some hand sanitizer before making her way to the door. Her jaw drops a little when she opens the door, Ally on the other side with a plastic bag from the grocery store in one hand and a takeout container in the other. She also notices that she’s still wearing her backpack, which means that she didn’t even stop at her apartment before coming here.

“Ally… Not that I’m not happy to see you, but what are you doing here?” She asks, stepping aside to let her friend into the room. She watches her walk over to her desk, setting the bag on her chair and the container on her desk.

“I told you, I picked up the homework for you,” Ally responds, shrugging a shoulder as she unpacks the grocery bag first. There’s cough drops, tissues, decongestant, and a couple bottles of water on the inside. Lauren raises an eyebrow, shutting her door and sitting on her bed. She keeps a safe distance between them; the last thing she needs is to be the reason that the other girl gets sick.

“Somehow I don’t believe that all of that medicine could possibly be our homework,” she quips, crossing her arms. She laughs when she turns around to stick her tongue out at her.

“I just wanted to bring you some stuff to help you feel better, Lauren. That class is boring enough on its own, it’s even worse when you’re not there to keep me entertained,” she complains, facing the desk again and opening the takeout container to reveal soup.

“I don’t think the class is _that_ boring…” She trails off, uncrossing her arms to lean on them against her bed.

“That’s because you like what we’ve been reading,” she points out, pulling a spoon from the grocery bag and placing it in the soup. She turns back to Lauren and crosses the room quickly, handing the container to her before heading back to the desk. “My point is, I’m here to make sure that you get better. I refuse to go another lecture without you there. So eat up, because I’m not leaving until all of that soup is gone.” Lauren can tell by the way that Ally crosses her arms that no amount of arguing will convince her to leave. She watches her for a beat before sighing, adjusting her body so that she can lean back against the headboard of her bed.

“Fine. You can stay, but sit on Dinah’s bed. I don’t want you getting any germs from me, okay?” She asks, picking the spoon out of the container so that she can take a bite of the soup. It’s warm and there’s a bit of a kick to it, most likely to help her nose decongest. It’s a small thing, but it does manage to make her feel a little better (although she’s sure it’s probably only due to who gave her the soup). She places the spoon back in the container and watches Ally walk around her room, comfortable enough to put away Lauren’s work in the correct folders and drawers.

They’ve spent a lot of time between their two places over the weeks that their friendship has been growing. Lauren feels just as at home at Ally’s apartment as she does in her dorm room. Watching her navigate with ease warms her heart. Their friendship has grown so naturally since they started hanging out. The annoying voice of hope in her head believes that a relationship between them would be just as easy, if not easier. Lauren’s smart enough to not listen, though, and she looks away from her _friend_ before she gets caught staring too long. She places her soup container on her bedside table, all of a sudden very much not hungry.

The thoughts seem to come flooding all together at once, silently tormenting her as Ally organizes her stuff. Why does she do this to herself? She knows that nothing can happen between them. Over the weeks that they’ve been friends, nothing has happened to give her any hope for a relationship to happen. So why does that voice in the back of her head continue to taunt her? She’s most likely just setting herself up for hearbreak. The logical part of her brain knows that there’s most likely only one best-case scenario ending to this: Lauren finally moves on, however long it takes, and accepts the fact that her and Ally just aren’t destined to happen. The logical part of her brain also has about a million and a half worst-case scenarios that its fabricated, each horrible in their own respect. There’s too many things that could go wrong in this friendship, so why does she keep trying to tempt fate with it?

The other girl must have sensed her shift in mood; she immediately turns around and walks to stand beside her on her bed.

“Lauren, you’ve got to eat the soup. I promise you’ll feel a million times better after,” she urges, hands on her hips, trying to sound as authoritarian as she can.

“I’m really not hungry, Ally. Besides, I ate a little bit earlier,” she shrugs, avoiding eye contact with the other girl. Truthfully, she can’t remember the last time that she ate. However, it’s still the last thing on her mind right now.

“It’s really not good for you to not eat. Even if you just eat, like, half-“

“It’s _fine_ , Ally,” she cuts her off, a little too abrasive. She risks a look at the blonde and shock is clear on her face, as well as a little hurt. Frankly, it makes her feel like a complete dick, but her temperament seems to be quickly changing. She knows that Ally’s just trying to be nice, but it only makes her feel worse.

“Is something wrong, Laur?” Ally asks quietly, taking another step closer. Lauren subconsciously moves a bit further away on the bed, eyes dropping again.

“I’m fine,” she answers shortly, staring intensely at the ground.

“You can talk to me, Lauren. I can tell something’s up. You don’t have to hold it in.”

She hates how easily she can read her right now; the last thing she needs is Ally prodding about in her business. Things have been going well in their friendship, the last thing Lauren needs is the other girl finding out about her crush. She’d probably drop her just as quickly as they became friends and that’s a scenario that she can’t bear to let happen.

“I’m fine, Ally. Just drop it.” She doesn’t mean to be so snappy with her, but she’s frustrated with herself. Her emotions always get the best of her, and now they’re making a nice gesture turn sour.

Ally moves a strand of hair out of Lauren’s face, moving to cup the side of her face with her hand. “Are you sure you’re alright? You can tell me if something’s up, Laur, you know that.”

Lauren’s face leans into her hand and she places her hand over hers, taking a deep breath. She looks up into Ally’s eyes, the expression on her face hard to read. The moment feels so heavy with… With _something_ and her head feels too clogged to process it right now. Honestly, she probably should leave, before she does something to make herself look like an idiot. She doesn’t want her to leave, but the rational part of her knows that that’s what’s best right now. With a heavy heart, she takes her hand off of her face, only holding it for a moment before dropping it. “I’m fine, I just, um- I think I should sleep right now. I’m just really tired and my body aches, so you should probably…” Her voice trails off, eyes moving to the floor, unable to meet Ally’s as she gestures toward her door.

“Oh, um… Alright, that’s okay.”  Lauren hates herself for the sadness she can hear in her voice, but keeps her eyes on the ground. She knows if she looks up, she won’t be able to let her go. “You should definitely rest. I’ll just, I can put your soup away for you if you want?”

“It’s alright, I can do it myself. Have a good night, Ally,” she replies quietly, crossing her arms in front of her.

“Have a good night, Lauren.”

She watches her feet as she walks away, only looking up when the door opens and closes with her exit. She lets out a long breath, putting her face in her hands. She’s an idiot. She’s a goddamn idiot. That could not have gone any worse. She lays back in her bed, soup forgotten as she pulls one of her pillows against her chest and hugs it tightly.

**Lauren** : dinah, i fucked up

**Dinah:** what do you mean??

**Lauren:** ally came over.

**Dinah:** …

**Dinah:** I’ll be there in a few minutes.

Lauren places her phone back onto her nightstand, arms wrapping around her pillow again while she waits for her friend to get home. _God, how am I going to fix this?_ She thinks, face burying in her pillow while she waits. She can’t believe that she just got upset with Ally for no reason other than her own stupid feelings. Hopefully, Dinah will help her come up with a way to fix it. If not… She can’t bear to think that. The blonde has become such an important part of her life, she doesn’t want to go back to silently wishing that she could talk to her. She’s going to fix this. She has no idea how, but by God, she will fix it.

**Author's Note:**

> for sam because there needs to be more alren fics


End file.
